Parisian Porn

I have just wasted an hour of my life looking at the pictures on this cake review site. The text is a little dreary but the photographs and subject matter are wonderful. Stella and I are going to review Laduree's new macaroon flavours tomorrow.

All These Wounded Boys You Lie Beside ....

Goodnight my friend Goodnight.

Earlier I was talking about sleeping with younger men to Richard. I started to sleep with someone 15 years younger than me last year and I was amazed at the amount of sexual energy he had. I forgot that it was possible to have that kind of sex sober. Of course that alone was enough for me to swear never to have sex with anyone my own age again but something else came to light along the way. One of the things that has been let's say problematic for me ( think slashed wrists, drug overdoses, relapse etc) has been coping with intimacy and disappointment within the realm of sexual and romantic love.

The first part of a relationship is always my favourite, attraction, seduction and all the exciting stuff that goes with it. If I have sex with a man I like a couple of times (and it is any good) I tend to feel waves of love (some may call it lust)  and a deepening attraction to him, the extent to which I feel this is directly related to the quality of the sex. This is where it all starts to go horribly wrong.

These feelings of sexual love and attraction spark off a drowning feeling which triggers an uncontrollable anxious reaction in me. I feel at once claustrophobic and utterly desperate for the constant attention and approval of the object of my desire.

The advantage I noticed when this happened with a man much younger than me was even my dickmatised mind heard alarm bells rather than oft confused wedding bells. As I lay on the floor sobbing I knew I was just re-experiencing my own darkness. I knew it was nothing to do with them.

Who Wants Yesterday's Breakfast

Gluten Free Raspberry & White Chocolate Muffin from Covent Garden (still warm) and Chai tea.

Today

the door handle

that was never strong enough

reported damaged a number of months ago

reported damaged again a number of weeks ago

reported still damaged two days ago

fell off

now the door is taped open

because it has to be

or we would not be able to get out

a poem for my landlord

Here Comes The Sun

I love that song so much. I have managed to achieve a number of things this week. I threatened legal action against the university that I worked for and they have decided to adjust my pay schedule accordingly. It is amazing what can be achieved with a little legal terminology! I bought a ticket to Miami so I have something to lift my spirits on a rainy day like today.

More True Life Drama From St Giles Church Yard

This little Staffie was found in St Giles Church Yard by the Dog Catcher who happens to be on good terms with Moya who walks her poodle Louis in the garden each morning. She was abandoned by a couple of hoodies and found to be covered in scars and scratches, very likely caused from dog fighting or other unspeakable abuse. The pound where she was taken to destroy dogs after only a few days so the hunt was on early this week for a home for the adorable little staff pup. Moya decided not to leave things to chance and took her back to her flat while the search continued. On Tuesday the luckiest staff in London was taken in a taxi to her new home in the sticks. Last seen snoozing on the sofa next to lovely lady owner.

Last week Eddy found two cats boxed up in the rubbish in China Town all ready to be put through the rubbish truck crusher. They had been tethered in resturants and used as pest control until they themselves were disgarded like trash another reason to avoid eating in China Town. They went to the RSPCA, Eddy is awaiting news as he is hopeful about getting them upgraded to a cat sanctury in the country.

Daggers Drawn

I have begun to wage war with the university for breach of contract and withholding payment.

Thursday Morning

This morning Stella and I set off for our walk and got caught in the rain. We took shelter in The Milk Bar one of the few places in Soho where dogs are allowed in. We had toast and vegimite and read Another Magazine. Today has been International Day Of Carbs for me, I already had porridge and soya milk this morning before we got caught in the rain. Then I forgot to ask for skimmed milk in my cappucino so I had basically consumed my whole days calories before 10.30 am.

Sunday Morning

Cheese Crossiant & Earl Grey in Berteaux.

Venus Rising

When I look out of my window I can see Venus. So exciting, all the classical planets will be visible in the night sky over the next few months. It's worth keeping track of the stars by logging into sites such as earthsky as there are alot of interesting things happening. Saturn is visible and has been for a couple of months, Mars can be seen and apparently Neptune is out later this evening as well.

Shame

Really want to see this when it opens on the 13th

It's raining on my house and none of the others

I was thinking about painting the flat. I have been cleaning in preparation. Marching around the place like a Sargent Major deeming everything to be too old, worn out, ugly etc.  I noticed how ancient and yellow the extractor fan looked and thought that I will need to get it replaced at some point. A few hours later water was gushing through it, both unusual and alarming what with it being electric and everything. The upstairs morons neighbours had somehow let their washing machine leak out into a hole that was not a bonefide drain.  I will check the fire alarm is working before I go to bed in case my powerful hate vibes destroy anything else.

Real Life True Blood Drama

I am so excited, David Farrant is speaking at tomorrows The Moot With No Name . I used to be a tour guide at Highgate Cemetary and David Farrant was not someone we were even allowed to discuss. A mass desecration of graves and human remains took place one night in the 70's in the name of a 'vampire hunt'. Somehow David seemed to get the blame for this event. He was caught on more than one occasion practicing some kind of Wiccan ceremonies in the grave yard and was even sent to jail, I think for interfering with a dead body. Anyway can't wait to hear what he has to say about it all. I am just happy that everything is back to normal.