The cruel hand of fate

So I declare my mental health to be at (not an all time low as I am not actually sectioned) but low. The bottles of paracetamol scream 'take me' as I open the cupboard to find tea bags etc. Terribly bloody dreary. So here is what I feel compelled to do as I put off taking my own life for another 5 minutes. Having read my horoscopes hundreds of times, trying to wrestle hope where there appears to be none. I turn to the on line Yes & No oracle and torture myself with that for a while.
Does he love me? NO (damn)
Does he want to have sex with me? YES (fabulous)