A Ghost In My Own Home

I finally managed to edit my packing down to 16 Kilo’s this morning. I wandered around the flat in ever decreasing circles, cleaning, moving things, switching things off. My spirit appears to begin the journey before my body, I feel myself becoming lighter, frailer and more transparent as I prepare to leave one city to travel to another 4000 miles away. 

I am posting on http://thisismiamigirl.blogspot.com/ for the next 3 weeks 

Fear Or Faith

I am flying to Miami tomorrow. Currently my suitcases is over flowing onto my bedroom floor, full of things that I don't need and won't use. My first draft of packing is fear based. Fuelled by a sense of lack and impending doom (Hello darkness my old friend) I gather together all my worldly goods and try to organise them into one large container. Later after a nights sleep and trying to lift the case I decide that I need to edit.

If I Was In New York

I would go to the Nan Goldin exhibition at Mathew Marks Gallery in Chelsea. I adore Nan Goldins work, I fell in love with her work hundreds of years ago when I was at college. There is a documentary of her called I'll Be Your Mirror wonderful.

Love lifts us up

It feels good to be back in heels. I wore flat sandles and flip flops the whole time I was away so it took me a moment to get my balance back. What was unhelpful was that London Transport had decided without consulting me to cancell the option of changing from the Northern Line to Central Line at Tottenham Court Road. Getting over to Notting Hill last night was a little exhausting.

Straight to you

I got the bus to the airport from the top of 16th Street, I noticed that they had a service on my way to and from the beach. It cost $2.35 to get the bus or $35 in a taxi. I managed to drop my computer when I was dragging my case on the bus though so I have spent most of the day trying to make that work again.

I like the journey to and from Miami Airport. Richard and I tend to stay in the same streets wherever we are. If we are in New York we do the same things and eat in Orlin every night. If we are in London we go to Carluccios in Covent Garden every night and the same with Miami. If we try something new then we normally don't like it and go back to our usual place the next day. If we do something we do like, then that has to become another thing we do everyday. So I dont see much of Miami really. I just do the little things that we do over and over again, I feel very happy with that.  The bus gave me an opportunity to see a little more of South Beach which was nice.

We travelled over Biscayne Bay on the MacArthur Causeway. You get a good veiw of downtown Miami from here. On New Years Eve a friend drove us here to watch the fireworks in the bay it was really pretty.

I like looking at the world from the window of a bus. It reminds me of being a child, pressing my face against the glass. Blowing against the cool pane and drawing love hearts onto the condensation.

The whole journey takes about 30 minutes, its really simple. Next time I come I am going to get the bus to South Beach now I have got it all worked out like a native.

It will be like I was never here

I am leaving now, I will be early but I get nervous travelling I would rather feel tense on the other side of security. I have turned off the air conditioning system. Imagine the irony of leaving it on when I go after stressing Richard out by turning it off every 5 minutes when he was here.

Sinead is saying the serenity prayer one last time. I have closed the blinds. I can't believe how heavy my case feels. I bought 2 pairs of shoes and some Ralph Lauren shorts for my son thats all.

I have fed cat for the last time until next time. He will be fine he didn't love me, I was just another port in a storm for him.

One of my friends has been dreaming of air crashes - I said she has barely mastered 5 senses and did not feel that she was about to gain a 6th. I am quietly confident that I will survive the journey, although Richard was saying that he saw on the news that an air traffic controller at Miami Int had fallen asleep on the job. So I am in the hands of God as usual.

Lunch

I bought a take out salad from Lime on Alton Road. I am not all that hungry but I would rather eat something healthy at home that end up cracking at the airport or worse still on the plane and eating the food there. American airports are awful incase you don't know. Heathrow, where I am headed is probably the most glamourous airport in the world. Even the New York airports are vile, they just have Mac Donalds and inedible stuff.  I realise that only someone with deep rooted anxieties around food and body image refers to eating as cracking and obviously the dressing went in the bin after I had taken the picture (kidding) but I can't tolerate bad food and I have ruined so journeys just by eating the wrong stuff on the plane.

You will return

I am awake, my case is packed and I am all ready to come back to London. I am so excited actually. A few days ago I didn't want to come home, now I could sob with happiness. I love it here in Miami though, I will be back in the summer, I think I will be punching above my weight heat wise but I am willing to give it a go.