Fear Or Faith

I am flying to Miami tomorrow. Currently my suitcases is over flowing onto my bedroom floor, full of things that I don't need and won't use. My first draft of packing is fear based. Fuelled by a sense of lack and impending doom (Hello darkness my old friend) I gather together all my worldly goods and try to organise them into one large container. Later after a nights sleep and trying to lift the case I decide that I need to edit.

Blue Sky Thinking

Opened a pack, Made pancakes with caramelised banana and vanilla yogurt this morning. Took Stella out for a walk to St James Park. The man who runs the hawks on Trafalgar Square gave me tips about what to do if Kes swoops down to prey on my puppies ass. He says pick the dog up and turn your back to the bird. Excellent, I am on high alert, 'pick and turn', like 'duck and cover', or 'swim under the shark'. Totally useless advice really as times of danger I normally find my natural instinct is to 'freeze and scream'.

And I Hate The Tree's ..

I don't really, I love them. Stella and I are working on a Tree's In The Park In The Dark photography project.

Every Day Is Like Sunday

Woke up in shabby chic bed room by the sea.

Stella could get used to the luxury of it all.

Off to the Black Douglas for breakfast

Nice food, dogs allowed, service ....laid back??

It all arrived eventually

And anyway we were in no rush

Stupidly small slices of toast though

They were lucky we didn't go all 'Westbourne Grove' on them

We just kept eating, we have known adversity before

What are we having for lunch?

Living In Colour

I am not really interested in High Street activity but the Marni collaboration has caught my eye.

Wish You Were Not Here

My favourite cafe at the moment is Notes on St Martins Lane. I go there every Monday morning for a sweet muffin and skinny cappuccino. Last week a man got his guitar out and started to sing, he sang Wish You Were Here  it was gorgeous. A few weeks before I got talking to a soldier who was telling me all about the war ship that will be on The Thames during the Olympic Games. This week I was surrounded by horrible unkempt HRM people bitching and whining. I think cell phones and office workers should be banned from cafes personally

Coffee & Cake

I have often looked into the window of the cafe between Princi and Hummingbird. The whole display is just row upon row of cakes. I look down at the dog and wonder about tying her up to the lamp post so I can go inside. Imagining her trampled under the feet of post production employees I give up on the idea and just walk by.

Not today though - this is the day I made it inside and had an amazing Mille Feuille and a Honey and Hazelnut Soy Latte - Divine.

Through The Looking Glass

I have been working so hard over the past week but I have finally made it through most of my 'to do list'.
Write report
Mark Level 4 work
Mark presentations
Write feedback 
Go to hospital 
Make Dr's appointment
Make Botox appointment
Get groceries 
Purchase Obsidian Mirror

I am obsessed with having an Obsidian Mirror they might have them in stock at Mysteries by the end of the week.

Morning Muses

Watching the sunlight break though the dawn is our new favourite thing. I have never really considered myself a morning person although my cafeine addiction normally rouses me in to action at a reasonably early hour. Stella's house training regime involves making sure that she is able to go to the toliet outside the flat very soon after she wakes up to eat her chicken & rice breakfast. She is sitting on my pillow looking hungry from around 6.45 so I have got into the habit of gulping expresso while she eats and pulling on last nights laundry and leaving the house just before 7.

It is really worth the effort though. The parks are wonderful at this time of day. London is wonderful. Life is wonderful. If you are waking up late wondering if you have missed the point of it all then really perhaps you have.

The Incredible Lightness ....

of feeling for the first time in a long time, that everything is going to be alright.

From The Garden Of Eden

All sorts of unexpected things are falling from the trees in St Giles Church Yard. Today we came home from our walk with a bowl of Covent Garden figs

Mix & Match

Today my tights match my favourite flavour of Green & Blacks, butterscotch.

Morning is not quiet as broken ...

Finally starting to cheer up after a couple of weeks of self obsessed misery. Waking up with a puppy is pure joy although I have to be on my guard for 'accidents' as soon as my feet hit the floor. I work in education, a world where the term 'fail' is discouraged largely because it results in a loss of fee's to the establishment. We no longer fail assignments we merely 'refer' them. Stella's house training was assessed under this criteria and this morning we had 2 passes and 2 referrals. Not bad.
Last night I went to a 'meditation' group that turned out to be a sales pitch for a process called 'Turning Point'. I have heard of a few of these types of courses, The Landmark, Hoffman and others. What they seem to have in common is that they are rather expensive and tend to suggest that we can 'heal our lives' over the course of a long weekend. The idea seems to be that you look at critical incidents in your past, recalling feelings and identify coping strategies that you put in place at the time. The point being that outmoded coping strategies developed by a hurt adolescent will become more problematic than the original incident in an adult. In principle I agree. In AA I have been taught to 'look at my part' question my belief and reactive systems, release being a victim and take a pro active approach to life. All this I do and yet I still spend quite a lot of time lying on the floor feeling terrible and not knowing what to do about it.
While I know of a number of people who have attended these seminars and view the experience positively I remain rather cynical and always find the people so unattractive.

Faith, Hope & Courage

Ok I think I have completed a phase of grief now. I am wearing mascara and leaving the house.

Miracles happen among us

Fed X actually arrived on time! My friend Gregory Parkinson sent me a box of clothes I am so happy. I met Greg at art college in Preston when I was about 17, he is my oldest friend. Every so often he gives me a couple of things and its such a treat because his beautiful designs retail for alot of money in Barneys. I have had some real Breakfast At Tiffany moments, practically penniless but wearing Gregs $1000 dresses. He will be at Miami airport at the same time as me today. He is flying in from Los Angeles at 4.45, I will be boarding my plane to London at the same time.