I was thinking of Sebastian yesterday. He would have been alive this time last year. I was talking to Jo about some of the things he used to say about attraction, love, sexuality and the suffocation of these energies that can often happen when we get into relationships. I wanted to say 'traditional relationships' but to be honest my experience is that even when you engage outside of these boundaries it is likely that you will experience similar issues. The advantage is of course that walking away is easier.
I think some of us are hard wired to sexually short circuit. People, especially men, talk a great talk about wanting to be able to engage in sexual relationships with those they are attracted to without attatchments and obligations and yet very few can pull it off. I think it is an issue of emotional solvency and God dependancy. After the ritual yesterday we were discussing ideas of liberation and personal responsibility citing Jack Parsons 'Freedom Is A Double Edged Sword'. It takes so much more strength to swim against social and moral tides than it does to flow with them especially when despite your best intellectual efforts you will be confronted by the residual inner conflicts of your own ego.
As for Sebastian, well I loved him when I first met him and then kind of hated him after that but he did have an interesting perspective and at least he gave it a damn good go.
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