Je Ne Regrette Rien

Except losing Chilli

In The Deep Mid Winter

This is the one night of the year I wish I did not live near Trafalgar Square, in a few hours the pavement below my window will look like the storming of The Bastille. Stella and I will watch the peasants  revellers below, happy that we can just hop into bed and snooze our way into the new year. I am not sure that I totally believe in the New Year  ( in terms of the Gregorian calendar ) as such. In my heart I follow the lunar cycle but its not particularly practical to rely on that for mundane appointments. Its a wonderful time to take stock of all the wonderful things that happened last year and make a list of all the wonderful things I would like to happen next year.

May all your dreams (and some of your more exciting nightmares) come true in 2012.

True Crime Stories Live From St Giles Church Yard

Stella and I witnessed an exciting real life crime drama this morning in the church yard. The dogs were fighting and eating sticks, when two men came rushing in discarding clothing as they ran along. As you may have noticed the weather today was like ZERO but since there are so many crackheads cocaine users in the area the scene was not quite as unusual as you might think. Eddy, however, went to see Sherlock Holmes yesterday so he was on high alert and totally primed to spot criminal activity. He noticed that one man threw a crash helmet in the bushes and decided that something ultra fishy was going on. There were sirens wailing in the background but then again that can be a West End constant. We walked to the gate and saw another pile of discarded clothing and a bag and then a police van pulled up and Eddy told him what we had seen. The police man told us that a motor cycle gang had done a smash and grab raid at a jewellery shop on Sloane Street. Eddy began to lament the fact that he had he known what was going on he could have attempted a citizens arrest and likely got us all shot.

Between Sleep And Sleep

I saw a little dead squirrel in the park today. He was lying on a nest of leaves in a hole in a tree. I imagine he had a very nice life in Green Park I doubt he takes with him any regrets.

Kiss Kiss Kiss My Little Black Lips

For Christmas Stella wants

• A shampoo and fluff dry at Harrods Pet Spa £60
• A new harness preferably red
• A new dog chew
• Some squeaky toys, she has murdered the ones she has they are now silencio ...........

My Favourite Perfumes

Love Fracas and its cold enough to wear it now.

Fabulous Man/Woman fragrance Absolute Pour Le Soir smells

like nothing you have ever smelt before - tres expensive

Smells like salt and roses

Creed Spring Flowers

Quelques Fleurs

when failure is not an option

The only scent common scent I would ever wear

 the yellow bottle with extra Gardenia is even nicer

Love Iris obviously

Things I Want (a pictorial review)

Pistol Ankle Boots Acne

Multi Coloured Shoe Fendi

Knee Length Pistol Boot Acne

Asymetric Ankle Boot Acne

Rick Owens Cashmere Cape (2) One

for Caren who spotted it in the first place

Temperley Leather Legging & Gloves

not interested in that green thing

Helmut Lang

Skinny Jeans

I Pad

Mac Book Pro

Where have all the bad girls gone?

I always loved Nancy, I remember reading a book about her written by her mother, And I Don't Want To Live This Life. It was the first time I read a book or even had an awareness that there were people as depressed and self destructive as I was. Nancy was dead at this point of course but its a very moving story of someones attempt at stopping a run away train. Anyway there is an excellent documentary 'Who Killed Nancy?' on You Tube.

My Favourite Things

Avocado on toast
Hot chocolate from Artisan
Foreign fashion magazines
Being asleep (preferably with dreams)

Dancing in the Flames

The film Dancing In The Flames is will be screened at St James Church on Monday evening as part of the their Alternatives programme.

Who Is The Fairest Of Them All?

'So how is your obsidian mirror?' Asked Neil.
'It's not working, it's broken - I am taking it back'
'Have you consecrated it?'

I really hadn't thought of that, not consecrating the mirror is the magickal equivalent of buying a TV and not plugging it in. I will get busy on Saturday as it is a full moon and lunar eclipse.

I really should get out more

Instead I have created a You Tube Channel for the dog.

Through The Looking Glass

I have been working so hard over the past week but I have finally made it through most of my 'to do list'.
Write report
Mark Level 4 work
Mark presentations
Write feedback 
Go to hospital 
Make Dr's appointment
Make Botox appointment
Get groceries 
Purchase Obsidian Mirror

I am obsessed with having an Obsidian Mirror they might have them in stock at Mysteries by the end of the week.

The Navy Blue Of India

Stella and Foxy Teddy having an afternoon nap.

Sap Rising

Last week in Tracey's shop I met a girl called Helen. She was talking with Tracey about all things spiritual and happened to mention that she had attended a yoga class that 'nearly gave her an orgasm.' Much as I dislike exercise I decided that in this particular instance I was willing to give it a go. The class was called 'Kundalini & Gong' and is held every Tuesday night at The Alchemy Centre NW1. I rooted out my Yoga Pants that I only ever wear as Dog Walking Pants and set off to Camden. The centre is in The Stables Market. It is a very attractively designed space and it has a cafe that sells chocolate cake so as an enviroment it worked for me. Downstairs however there is a kick boxing studio so the green tea & wind chimes vibe was regularly interspersed by the screams and grunts of mortal combat below.

Is There Some Light At The End Of This Tunnel?

So after working for 9 weeks without getting paid, I should have some money this coming week and hopefully some more a few weeks after. The thing is that the university I work for have not only delayed payment for over two months but they have decided that they will spread payment of my salary over 10 months. Of course this is totally illegal but without a lawyer there is very little one can do about it. So I am not sure how much of my money I can get my hands on but I do know this. I need to

• pay 2 months rent
• pay council tax
• pay back money I owe
• replace the hall carpet (thank you Stella)
• buy a new computer
• get a ticket to Miami
• have botox (should be at the top of the list)
• buy new winter clothes and boots

It's pretty frightening as the whole stress of not having money for ages has been getting to me and now that I will finally get some money I am worried that there won't be enough money. If I had the money that they owe me I actually wouldn't be worried about money at all. Very annoying how money issues can be so pervasive

Sunday Morning

Chai tea and cheese croissant from Maison Berteaux. Soooooo GOOD, soooooo NOT a part of new health regime starting tomorrow

Room For Manoeuvre

I see that I am in one of those places where I need to take stock of what is working in my life and what is not. I am exhausted, anti social (more so) and have little in the way of opitimism. I have not been feeling well and I really need to do something about it. This week I am going to

• Make a Dr's appointment and get some blood tests done ( I should have done this when I fell but I hate him)
• Buy some Floradix (which is £15 but really works)
• Try and Meditate for a few minutes a day
• Make sure I spend at least a few hours a day doing what I want to do rather than what I have to do
• Eat really healthy, light food and drink fresh juice everyday
• I might even attend a yoga class since a woman in Tracey's shop was talking about almost having an orgasm at a kundalini yoga class

Breakfast

Soy Latte and Macaroons from Masion Du Chocolat on a bench in Berkeley Square.

Stella does not eat cakes, she has a sensitive tummy and gets sick if she eats junk food, even if it is rather exclusive.

Morning Muses

Watching the sunlight break though the dawn is our new favourite thing. I have never really considered myself a morning person although my cafeine addiction normally rouses me in to action at a reasonably early hour. Stella's house training regime involves making sure that she is able to go to the toliet outside the flat very soon after she wakes up to eat her chicken & rice breakfast. She is sitting on my pillow looking hungry from around 6.45 so I have got into the habit of gulping expresso while she eats and pulling on last nights laundry and leaving the house just before 7.

It is really worth the effort though. The parks are wonderful at this time of day. London is wonderful. Life is wonderful. If you are waking up late wondering if you have missed the point of it all then really perhaps you have.

Sun Rise Moon Set

Stella and I got up extra early so we could go to the park and still be home in time for a repair man who almost certainly won't show up. We left the flat at around 6.55, it was still quiet dark and as we crossed Trafalgar Square the moon was still shining brightly in the South Western sky. Day light followed us into St James Park sunlight glistening through the last of the Autumn leaves still clinging to the trees. I still cry when I walk on to the park, the first section by the coffee stand was always Chilli's favourite bit.  It is amazing how you can feel happy and sad at the same time.

As we walked around the pond we found a handsome baby pigeon with a broken wing. He was hobbling about under a bench. We picked him up and brought him home. He seemed happy to be held in my warm hand against my coat.  On my return I emailed Eddy a wonderful man I met walking Chilli in St Giles Church Yard years ago. He is a committed animal lover and spends his weekends rescuing pigeons, untying thread from their feet and generally playing out the role of  Saint Francis of Soho.  Eddy got straight back to me, he was pleased that we had a new patient for his attention, he said he had a meeting with 'June the pigeon lady' later on but that he could bring it forward if our boy was in distress.

I peered into the dog carrier he is occupying in my bedroom. He was nibbling on a bagel and generally looking pretty calm.
'No rush' I reported back.

Miraculously the repair man did show up after all.

The Incredible Lightness ....

of feeling for the first time in a long time, that everything is going to be alright.

Disappearing Act

Stella is the same colour as the fallen autumn leaves on the park. Charlotte Roger's at last weeks talk at The Moot With No Name was discussing camouflage as being the art of making the 'visible invisible and the invisible visible.' It made perfect sense at the time and I was reminded of it as Stella disappeared into a pile of leaves. Charlotte was also speaking about working with animal spirits as part of her artistic and magickal practice. She is a vegetarian so she only works with found dead animals such as road kill. Her new book The Bloody Sacrifice has recently been published by Mandrake

Today's Highlight

Hot Chocolate at Artisan Chocolatier on Westbourne Grove. One large cup of the best chocolate drink in London + 2 chocolates of your choice = £3

It's Grim Up North

Bloody awful, don't for a minute consider going to see this insuportable rubbish.
'Have you read the book?'
'Er No'
'Me neither but I don't think it had much to do with this crap'
We thought it should have been more along the lines of this .....

I Can't Stand Another Sound

Sons of the Silent Age David Bowie, Heroes
I am obsessed with this track, it is playing constantly in my head reminding me of laying on the floor on my teenage bedroom, head full of pills, wrists wrapped in bandages.

If I Was In New York

I would go to the Nan Goldin exhibition at Mathew Marks Gallery in Chelsea. I adore Nan Goldins work, I fell in love with her work hundreds of years ago when I was at college. There is a documentary of her called I'll Be Your Mirror wonderful.

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Park closes at 4.30, dark at 5. Reminds me of Roobarb and Custard. (Night Fell Heavily)

From The Garden Of Eden

All sorts of unexpected things are falling from the trees in St Giles Church Yard. Today we came home from our walk with a bowl of Covent Garden figs

Our Promise Is Freedom Our Message Is Hope

The new monthly horoscopes are published today. Hurray

The Good News Or The Bad News

My dancing days are over! The orthopedic surgeon told me after a mere 3 hour wait that a little bit of my elbow had come off and was lodged in the joint of my arm. It is kind of in the way of the hinge limiting my movement quite a bit.
'Don't worry though it's only your left arm and you are right handed. '
'Thank you for pointing that out but I am not ready to be infirm'
He said my elbow was still full of blood (as well as dislodged bone) and that things may well get better in a couple of weeks.
They had better.

William Burroughs: Advice for Young People

A Taste Of ...........

Wheat free toast with butter & honey. 

Beauty Is The Best Revenge

I am wearing my new Parkinson top with a bright blue sling today.
It is beautiful.
I am beautiful.
Anything that isn't can fuck off.

Every Silver Lining Has A Cloud

Had phone call with my boss this morning. The university sent me a contract with the wrong dates on, a 10 month contract for 6 months work and pay. In other words they are withholding money from me by extending the payment time by 4 months. I pointed out to him that this was illegal and he said that the only other choice was to take a 30% pay cut. I asked him if he would like to do that and he said no but that he was unable to give me any other option.
I hate them. I hate having to work for them. I hate having to work.

Mix & Match

Today my tights match my favourite flavour of Green & Blacks, butterscotch.

My Life As An Invalid - Day 2

Here is my very healthy breakfast, avocado on spelt bread. I had chai tea with honey and soy milk as well. Before that I had a pint of expresso in order to even get out of bed. Stella got up a 6.30 for chicken and rice and a wee and a poo. The general rule of thumb with puppies is 'something goes in, something comes out'. We are going to the park now then I am going to attempt to wash my hair. I will probably be back in UCL by lunch time. I feel much better now I have dumped the pain killers they gave me for ordinary paracetamol. I have no idea how I managed to become a drug addict all those years ago I can't cope with them at all.

My Life As An Invalid - Day 1

Tracey came last night with bags of Yorkshire Provender soup in Pea and Beetroot flavours. Jess called in the morning and arranged to come and help me get  few things done. Had a bath which was essential as was really sticky and vile. Pretty difficult to do though, washing not too hard, drying much harder. Purchase 2 jewel coloured scarfes to replace NHS bandage sling which does not go with anything I have and makes me look like a victim of the Crimea. Jess took me to Soho House for chips and salad, man at door said I was the most glamourous injured person he had seen. I had on my yellow printed Parkinson dress, one I had just collected when I fell and a shocking pink sling.  

After that we did some errands, went to Hyde Park with Stella and Waitrose on Kensignton High Street.
The plan was to get some hot chocolate from Artisan Choclatier on Westbourne Grove but the pain killers made me feel so sick I couldn't face it. At that point I realised I was seriously unwell and went home to bed.